


Soon You'll Get Better

by waterlilyvioletfog



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Chronic Illness, Coda, Depressed Dean Winchester, Depression, F/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Post-Episode: s15e06 Golden Time, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sam Winchester Has PTSD, Stress Eating, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-18 08:28:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21541354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waterlilyvioletfog/pseuds/waterlilyvioletfog
Summary: Sam's not blind and he's not an idiot and he's lived with his brother for long enough to know when Dean's struggling with his depression.But their living conditions are far better than they were in 2012 and they actually know an actual therapist who KNOWS they're hunters and knows what they do.So Sam sends his brother to therapy. Deal with it, Dean.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Rowena MacLeod/Sam Winchester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 121





	Soon You'll Get Better

**Author's Note:**

> I freely admit to being a Samwitch stan more than a Saileen stan. I got to SPN during s13 so the first time I watched Sam's relationship develop in real time, it was with Rowena and I was naturally predisposed to ship it. Hazards of being a latecomer. 
> 
> I make reference to Dean's alcoholism as well as his habit of binging to deal with trauma. If you think anything in this fic is going to be triggering, please don't read. Nothing is really talked about explicitly, but still. 
> 
> I wrote this because I re-watched The Slice Girls today and it inspired me. I know, I know. But what can I say? It's an interesting episode once you learn to ignore the Amazons BS and the Professor Morrison junk.

Even if Sam had noticed it when they were kids (and if he was being honest, he'd rarely noticed anything), Sam wouldn't have had the words to describe what happened to his brother. It wasn't the sort of thing that was even on his radar. 

But then he'd left and he'd gone to college and he'd learned some of those words- chronic depression, serotonin, dopamine- because he'd had to take classes and because Jess was a nursing student and he helped her study sometimes. 

They don't talk about it, don't put a label on Dean's illness, never have and probably never will, but if Sam had to diagnose his brother with something, that'd be it. Or maybe it's not chronic depression, maybe their lives are fucked up and they both have rampant cases of PTSD, but the end result is still the same. Whenever things get bad, Dean drinks and eats and falls into some sort of nihilistic spiral. And Sam's never quite managed to figure out how to bust him out of that. 

When Dean got back from being possessed by Michael. When Cas died and Jack had just been born. When Cas said "yes". When Bobby died. When it was the middle of the apocalypse and the world was crushing their throats. When their father died. Over and over, Sam had watched it happen. 

And, okay, he honestly didn't think it was anything all that serious until Bobby died and Dean's drinking habit worsened dramatically- and even then, he'd mostly figured it was just grief or some shit. But Sam has lived in close proximity to Dean for a decade and a half now and he notices when Dean spends more time drunk than not. 

Sam knows that he has his own issues, too but- honestly, he worries about Dean. Because Dean doesn't seem to even acknowledge that he has any issues at all. 

When their mom died, he'd started thinking about seeking out therapy. For both of them. Real therapy, not some bullshit pretence on a hunt. With an actual psychiatrist. They lived both more comfortably and more stably than they had when Bobby had died. They had the means, the time to go talk to someone. Dean could get medicine. 

And then all the bullshit with Jack and Chuck and Rowena happened and now Sam was spinning. Whenever he looked Dean's way, he could tell Dean was, too. Dean wasn't drinking so much this time around, Sam thought, which was good. He'd thought about getting Dean into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting somewhere before, but had never had the nerve to bring it up. But he was eating more than usual, and his lethargy was not only concerning but frankly dangerous considering their line of work. It was time to get him some actual help. 

If only he could think of a way to convince Dean that this was what he needed right now. 

\--- 

One night, he and Eileen were lounging in bed at her place. Eileen was tucked against his chest, one leg still slung between his while he traced spells and words into her arm with his thumb. Fuck he loved this. 

"I'm worried," he said aloud. Eileen picked up her head to look at his face and he repeated himself. 

"About what?" 

"Dean. He's- worse. Lately. And I've seen him go through this before- a couple of times, actually- and I never seem to be able to _help_ him, you know? But- if I can't, then maybe someone else can." 

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean-" Sam bit his lip, contemplating how to say it. "I mean, we know an actual, legitimate, honest-to-fuck therapist. And I want Dean to see her because I want him to get better and the only way that can happen, I think, is if he _talks_ to someone and has medications and stuff. And the therapist, her name is Mia Vallens, and she knows we're Hunters. Which means- like half the reason neither of us even have BEEN to a therapist about any of it is- well, no one would believe us. Most Hunters would never believe us. And we'd just get marked down as nuts and tossed into a locked ward and that'd be the end of it. So- yeah." Sam glanced at Eileen nervously. "What do you think?" 

"I think you should give this Mia Vallens a call." 

"Later," Sam said. "No way I'm getting out of this bed until I absolutely have to." 

"Lazy." She pressed a grin against his shoulder. 

"Not lazy. Lucky. And well fucking aware of it." 

"Hmmmm." 

\--- 

Sam knocked on Dean's door. 

"Fuck off." 

"Nope." 

Sam heard Dean let out a sigh and pad over to the door. When he opened it, Sam saw that he was back in his pajamas and Dead Guy Robe. The pants had sushi on them this time. A gift from Cas for Dean's fortieth birthday, which had largely passed in tense quietness because Dean had still had Michael riding around in his skull. 

"What are you up to?" 

"Watching romcoms on Netflix. This one is about these two idiots who decide to pretend to be dating except they fall in love for real and they're both idiots." 

"Have they said they're in love?" 

"Nah. She's convinced he knows she's in love with him but they laid down ground rules of no kissing or whatever when they started the scheme so she thinks its unrequited when really HE thinks its unrequited and. Yeah." 

"Huh. Sorry, it's just. Romcom plots don't really happen to me." 

"Really? You can't relate to all that unresolved romantic tension at _all_? Not with Jess? Rowena?" 

"Nope. I always resolve that shit fast." 

Dean rolled his eyes. "Ugh, yes, you and Eileen are like bunnies, we get it, no need to go into detail, dude." Sam chuckled, rubbing at the back of his neck. 

"Yeah. It's nice." 

"Gross. I'm going to keep watching my movie. You wanna stick around, pull up a chair and let me watch the idiots fall in love." 

The next twenty-five minutes passed in companionable silence as they watched the teenagers talk their shit out, the only interruptions being Dean's occasional commentary. 

When the movie was done, Sam grabbed the remote and hit pause before Dean could queue up another. 

"Hey!" Dean pouted. Sam waited until he calmed down. 

"Do you remember Mia Vallens?" 

"Shapeshifter therapist lady with a shitty ex?" 

"Yup." 

"And? What's your point dude, I've got two seasons left on another show. Did she die? Did something happen? Is she randomly killing people now?" 

"No, no, nothing like that." 

"Okay, then what?" 

Sam took a deep breath. "I've been talking to her. About you." 

Dean's face morphed into an expression of infuriation and exasperation. "Dammit, Sam." 

"Hear me out." Dean glared. 

"Dean. Come on, man. It's me. This?" Sam gestured to the waiting TV screen, the pileup of dishes on Dean's table in the corner. "This is what you do when you're feeling shitty. It's not healthy, man. Don't get me wrong, I prefer binge-eating Dean to alcohol-every-twenty-seconds Dean, but. I know you're not well and I know you sure as hell aren't going to talk to _me_ about it so. Mia knows about us, we know she'd never betray us. You need to talk to _someone_ , Dean. You need to-to. I don't know, have a medication? For when you get like this?" 

"No, no, I'm not talking to some fucking lady about my problems, Sam. I'm not _ill_ or whatever okay? It's just been a rough couple of months, you know, with Mom and the kid and Chuck and Cas." 

"You're barely functioning, Dean." Dean was staring at the ground. "That's dangerous. For both of us." It was a dick move, invoking Dean's need to protect him, but it was the only card Sam could think to play. 

"Fine." 

Sam's eyebrows jumped up. "Really? You're okay with it?" 

"Yes, you bitch, I'll fucking talk to her. But only one appointment, okay? She'll probably send me back and say there's nothing wrong with me and you wasted your money. And I'm just doing this to get you off my fucking back." 

Sam smiled. "Thank you." 

"Shaddup." 

"Your appointment is on Monday, 3 pm. I'll drive us both." 

"Get the fuck out of my room you asshat." 

\--- 

Sam stood up from his chair in Mia's waiting room when Dean opened the door fifty-five minutes after he went in. 

"How'd it go?" 

Dean sighed. Sam could see a tinge of red around his eyes like he'd been crying. "It went fine." 

"Meaning?" 

"Meaning I've got a fucking prescription written out in my pocket and an official diagnosis that I'm not telling you and the Doc's making me come back next week." 

"That's what I thought." 

"Go to Hell." 

"Eileen agreed with me." 

"Eileen gets a pass. She's not my brother. I actually respect her." 

"I'm telling her you said that." 

"Good." 

Sam let Dean sit behind the wheel. Dean always hated riding shotgun, and besides, Sam knew his brother needed the comforting familiarity of control right now. 

"Sam?" 

"Yeah." 

"Thanks, man." 

"Any time."

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, the title IS in reference to the Taylor Swift song. No I am not taking any criticism on that front. 
> 
> Yes, I think Sam should also see a therapist, but like. Sam likes to ignore the fact that he's not okay so if he's got something distracting him- dating Eileen, making Dean go to therapy, working cases non-stop- he is able to pretend that he doesn't have issues that need immediate addressing. I think this is a coping mech from his childhood. 
> 
> Dean tends towards binging whenever he's feeling shitty- sex, food, booze, tv, anything. I think I consider Dean to have chronic depression and a fair amount of anxiety. Food has a lot of symbolism towards family and normality for Dean so I think that this habit is a result of him craving something simple and idyllic like his childhood. Also, burgers are strongly associated with Cas, for the record, in the same way that Sam is salads and Dean is pie. He's trying to replace his feelings about Cas not being here with food. He also binges when he's stressed likely as a result of not having a constant food supply as a child. He probably felt the most stress when there wasn't enough food, so his brain thinks that if he's eating that should solve the stress. Sadly, Dean is now an adult with adult problems that can't be solved by food but can be solved by therapy and also fucking talking to Cas and kissing him. Idiot.


End file.
